Alzheimer’s Disease is such a degrading disease. Recently I stayed with a friend while her husband had to stay in the hospital. I have known her for over 10 years and well before Alzheimer had affected her mind.
The personality that now resided in this body was influenced by fear. At first she would panic at least two times a day stating that someone had come in and stolen her purse and would worry over the money that had been taken. I would assure her that it was in the house and would start the daily pilgrimage of looking through out the house and hiding spots to at last retrieve the purse. She would grin in relief but the process would begin again in four hours. Oddly enough she never hid the purse in the same spot twice.
Conversing with her required the same conversation to be repeated over and over. Questions were answered by me but then after the answer the same question was repeated as if it had never been asked. At times I did feel like I was involved in an Abbott and Costello routine of ‘Who is On First?’ when she would ask questions and then forget it was she that asked the question and then would ask me why I asked the question that was in reality asked by her.
Being with her was mentally exhausting and I made a mental note to start relieving her husband by taking her out during the week so he could have quiet time and rejuvenate. Fortunately for me I have the patience of Job, as they say, and remained calm and loving.
Just when I felt like I was physically and mentally drained and my time with her would not end soon enough, I was inspired by this idea:
This, no doubt, would be the last time I was with my friend where she would recognize me and know my name, although even now there were times she had forgotten my name and just called me ‘wonderful lady’. It would be the last time we could laugh and have girl talk and glimpses of the past would be remembered and shared together.
This task then was not overwhelming nor was it a trial and tribulation.
It was the greatest gift I could possibly be offered because it was time spent with a friend that soon would be over taken completely by Alzheimer and I would then be lost from her memory forever.
Now I began to cherish each moment, each question asked over and over again, and the epic search for a hidden purse.
about gracehodgin
Grandma Blogger encouraging grand parents to remain active in the lives of their grand children and to inspire imagination and creativity.
When Grace is not writing articles for her blog then she morphs into GracieLoo and is off to ZombieZoo where she is the resident Grandma who hands out cookies, kisses, band-aids for booboos and reads stories to her beloved ZombieZoo Residents.
Grace, as you know, I spent several months traing and serving in the Alzheimers division. What you did for your sweet friend and her husband is such a blessing to them. I’m glad you see the whole picture. HUGS
I do remember you training in that area and it is a very worth while position you have elected to serve. Thanks Becky.
I just lost my Dad to this horrible illness. It was very painful watching him slip away. And yes, you do have to cherish every moment that you now have together.
I lost my dad to Dementia which seemed so unjust for a man as great as him to have to go out like that. I’m sorry for your loss.
It’s all about perspective. You realizing that the time is a precious gift makes it all the more bearable.
I agree with you Melissa as it is how you look at it and also removing the ego and caring more about the person than yourself.
I have long said the saddest of all age related illnesses is the loss of one’s mind. Sad to those who love the patient, but somewhat of a relief when the alzheimer’s takes over. For even though the body may still be working well, if the mind is gone, everything is new ever minute. While this is seen as a burden to those caring for and caring about the sufferer, for the patient it is over. There is no cognoscente knowledge of any problem. Just right now and right now and right now.
You are receiving a wonderful memory for yourself and giving her husband a much needed break and also stimulating her to fight for her memories. It’s a win-win-win, I think.
Bless you Grace and bless your friend as she slips away.
After the husband came home I helped them move to an assisted living facility so at least now I won’t worry about them not getting their needs met.
Sometimes I wonder which is worse when aging – terrible physical pain with an intact mind, or a healthy body and Alzheimers. I wouldn’t wish either on anyone.
Well it would be a hard decision but I’ll go with the pain and hope for a relief with medicine and keep my mind.
That’s sad and touching all at once. What a great job you have done describing the bittersweet nature of this terrible disease!
It makes the friends feel very helpless as there is not much you can do but be there and be patient. I was surprised how many friends stopped coming around as if it was a disease they could catch.
Oh Grace. This post brought me right back to the day I realized my mother had dementia. It’s a heartbreaking illness. What a wonderful friend (and person) you are. I’ll be thinking about this post all day…
Thanks Marci. My dad had dementia as well and it is very sad for our love ones to be afflicted with it.